31 Day's... Lets Talk!

(Keychain from soberandcurious on instagram!)

31 Days Sober. The longest period of Sobriety that I have completed since I started drinking at sixteen. How do I feel now? Proud. Have I found it easy? At times, sure. Have I wobbled? 100%. Let's talk about it.

 I want to start this post off with a very CLEAR disclaimer that I was not an alcoholic. My relationship with alcohol was indeed toxic, it was my way of coping when I found things too hard and I never knew when to stop, even when I was just drinking for fun/socially, I would end up emotional and erratic a lot of the time. I recently contacted my doctors to tell them that I was ready for help (after them advising I get some for a little while.) They suggested contacting AA and I don't know why but, that terrified me. So I vowed to try and do this my way before going to any meetings, not because I disagree with AA but because I wanted to know if I could do this without going, to say that I had tried before going, If that makes any sense? Basically, I'm not judging anyone that does go at all, I respect you journey and think that if something works for you, go with it and let others do what works for them! 

 The first week of my journey, I was nursing the worst hangover I had ever had and feeling damn right bad for myself after experiencing my first ever blackout. I was on the "I'm NEVER drinking again" vibe because that last binge drinking session fucked me up. I wasn't sure if my vow of Sobriety would actually stick but I kept going on about not drinking and my boyfriend kept agreeing that the idea was the best I'd ever had, lol. I think in a way, having quit directly after a binge drink, made my first week a piece of cake. So in a weird sort of way, I feel lucky for that.

 Week two, I felt positive and decided to start doing some research. I joined Sobergram and started to meet some pretty great people that had lots of advice for me. I also started telling members of my family that I am sober now. I didn't think they'd be mean about it but honestly, I hadn't prepared my emotions for just how supportive they actually were about it. My parents had told me to stop drinking so much for a while, so I used to hide it from them and then get into trouble when my Mom found multiple empty wine bottles in my bedroom. So, they're very happy and supportive of this change. I also started to try and drink more water over this week to help my body feel better. So again, overall, this was a very positive week.

 The lead up to Christmas was during week three and honestly, this is where the anxiety set in. With Christmas around the corner, I honestly couldn't think about anything but how hard this was gonna be. How I was never going to taste a beer again or how I hadn't tried every single flavor gin in the world. This is where distraction became SUPER important.

During the first few weeks of my sobriety, I had been starting new antidepressants that had stolen all of my energy and had me sleeping most of the day and up all night. Whilst I was going through this, we were trying to sort out our bedroom to make it cozier. When I found myself struggling during this third week, I built furniture. If you have ever built a flatpack, you know that you can't think about anything else whilst doing so. Between being constantly tired and building things, I found the ultimate distraction. I went shopping for Christmas gifts, avoiding the alcohol in the shops by looking for books and nice flowers. I browsed all of the party foods and selected each of my sisters a gift with care. When I found it difficult during this week, I leaned on my boyfriend and like the amazing person he is, he did all he could to distract me. He took me to get iced coffee and put films on to watch. I made it through that week, even if I did find myself sat awake with anxiety. I allowed myself to feel it and to voice my concerns and that made such a difference for me. (Also, see above the wardrobe we built, I was actually so proud lol.)

 Christmas. My fourth week sober. Am I crazy for starting this journey during the hardest time? Probably but honestly, I just felt that if I could do this, I could do ANYTHING. Surprisingly, Christmas was way easier than the run up. I think it was because I was actually DOING IT, instead of worrying about doing it. As I said in my last post, I am very lucky to be a big sister of so many wonderful little humans. They really did so much to help me get through this period, without evening knowing it. I played games with them, looked at all of their gifts with full sober attention and even went and got iced coffee with my seventeen year old sister. (SEVENTEEN, when did she become so big? I could cry.) Being so present during Christmas felt so good. The support I got from mine and my boyfriends family was beyond what I could've ever wished for. I am so lucky. I hope everyone else going through sobriety at Christmas feels this loved and supported too.

 This all sounds so positive doesn't it? I mean, my username does suggest that this is meant to be a positive space but I want you to know that I will always keep it real with you and tell you about the hard parts too. I don't want to have any sit and compare their sobriety to mine and to feel like they're not doing well because I am sharing the good parts. I wobble. I say "I need a drink." a decent amount of times a week and the only thing that stops me is the fact that I want this so damn bad. I also am experiencing a lot of anxious dreams about ruining my sobriety because someone puts substances into my system and I cannot make it stop or control it. So trust me when I say, it isn't all smooth sailing. I also want to say that I think I may be experiencing "Sober Sparkle" where I am seeing so many benefits that it feels almost TOO easy and in all honesty, I am worried about that going away. The truth is, you really do have to take this path day by day, week by week, year by year. There are ups and there are downs, you've just got to keep on going.

Thing's that have helped me over my first 31 day's: (These are all from my own personal experience and many not be for everybody.)

- NA drinks. Over Christmas, these have been really helpful for me. It was a big deal for me to find something a bit different that I would be able to enjoy over Christmas, but that I didn't drink frequently.

- SUPPORT SYSTEM. They are one of the most helpful and amazing parts of this journey. Loved ones or sponsors, keep them close over this time especially.

- Food. Giving myself some extra roasties, another slice of cake, something sugary, chocolates, etc... has really helped me. Whenever I have felt like I needed a drink, I have treated myself to something else instead. This may only be a short term help but it helps and that is all that matters.

- Community. This online community has been a lifesaver. Meeting people with all different stories and on all different types of journeys has been incredible and so, so, SO inspirational.

- Coffee. SO. MUCH. COFFEE.

That is all from me, at one month sober!! Thank you for being here and for reading about my first month. If you want to contact me or to follow my journey some more, you can find me on threads and insta as @imsoberpositive !! I would love to connect with you, to know what you think of these blogs and what you would like to see next.

Until next time,

Keep going & remember, one day at a time.

-P x

*All images are taken/made by me unless stated otherwise. If you use them, please credit/tag me @imsoberpositive*