The Journey to Sobriety...
Hello,
It's taken a while for me to find myself here... but here I am. Three weeks sober. 21 days with not a drop of alcohol touched. I dreamt last night that I took a sip of water but as I let it hit my tongue, it turned into sambuca and my sobriety went down the drain... I woke up in a state of panic. I didn't know this meant so much to me until I thought, so vividly, that I'd messed up already. So, I decided to start this blog to post about my journey with being and remaining sober. Below is my story, so you know exactly why I am here and as a little introduction to my reasons for sobriety.
My Story;
I started drinking when I was sixteen. Like any British teenager, I guess. My Mom didn't drink much and didn't like me having alcohol in the house and my Dad drank too much and was fine with me having a glass or two at Christmas. My relationship with alcohol was kind of confused. I guess separated parents can get confusing when it comes to the rules. When I was 16, I was in a relationship and their parents would often get us alcohol and I became somewhat obsessed with drinking. It kind of spiraled from there really. Then at 18, I got into a relationship, got married at 19 and divorced by 22... so drink played a massive part in the way I chose to cope through those years. As soon as I moved out of my family home, drinking became an every night thing and my emotions were totally out of control. I suffer with mental health issues so I just didn't know what I was gonna be like when I was drunk.
When my marriage broke down, I relied heavily on drugs and booze. I completely lost myself in heartbreak. I'm surprised I am still alive and here talking about this if I'm honest. I have my boyfriend to thank for that. He dropped into my life like an angel from heaven. I'm not religious but I know someone placed him in the right place, at the right time. I got off of the drugs I was taking almost right away. He became my drug, in the best way possible. However, the drinking was something I found harder to come away from. Drugs were recent and just pure chaos to feel numb when it really hurt but drinking was a full on regular coping mechanism. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and my drinking has slowed down significantly over that time. I cut down to a couple times a week and then to only a few times a month but still, not for fun but to cope which meant I was still all over the place and often even suicidal.
The last time I drank, I tried to jump out of a moving car and I ended up with some injuries from the way I was literally just beating myself up. The next day, I decided that was it. I was done. Now, I'm three weeks sober from alcohol and over a year sober from the drugs. I take my antidepressants regularly and I check in with my doctors every couple of weeks. This journey, the past five/six years, has been hard but I'm ready to get better. I often tell myself that I am an awful person but honestly, I'm not. I am young, I have been through so much trauma and I have come out so much stronger. I just need to pull the rest of my shit together and so that's what I'm doing and I hope you'll join me along the way.
I'd love for people to join my journey, to tell me all about theirs, to make friends and to possibly even help someone or many people. So, if you want to follow along, you can find me on Instagram and threads as @imsoberpositive and here, of course.
Thank you for reading my story. I think it is really important for people that follow me, to understand why I am doing this. I hope you stick around to see me thrive, in fact, let's thrive together.
Just remember, one day at a time.
-P x
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